More Than Mere Words

In an earlier post I mentioned that I prayed on the morning of October 14 and was directed to the book of Daniel. I should explain that that was a pretty new experience for me. To pray and be led to a specific chapter or verse in the Bible was thoroughly novel. The kind of thing I have heard other Christians speak about; and though I did not voice my scepticism, I did not take such talk seriously.

 

Flip through the Bible and wherever you happened to pause, there was bound to be a verse or a passage that could be moulded to shed light on your personal affairs. Kind of like horoscopes. It was not difficult to derive personal relevance from the horoscope reading for the day/week/month.

 

A Christian who read horoscopes – I am ashamed to say it, but that was how I was. 

 

I knew of course that scripture is God’s word. And I had learnt from sermons and bible study discussions that prayer is our direct line of communication with God. I had no trouble at all regurgitating these beliefs as if I thoroughly knew what was meant by them. I prayed eloquently at bible study meetings, and I analyzed the Bible at these meetings with the intention of understanding God’s word. I knew that prayer and scripture were more than mere words. But in my approach towards them, I behaved as if they were no different from mere words.

 

I have always had a pretty good memory for numbers, but I was not good at remembering chapter or verse numbers. I love to read but I did not feel inclined to read the Bible from start to finish and I was not at all bothered by the fact that I was not familiar with it.

 

I preferred the New Testament because I could read the gospels like novels, especially Luke. I did not see anything wrong with my attitude at all. And that was when I still read the Bible. Before October 2012, I had not touched my bible for five years. I thought of giving it away to the Salvation Army.

 

On October 9, 2012, Boon's mother and I were called into the doctors' meeting room in the morning. The social worker was also present. We were informed that Boon’s operation for the implanting of the mechanical heart device had to be cancelled. The surgeon said that Boon was too weak to undergo open heart surgery because he was down with pneumonia. They were also reluctant to operate on him because he had not regained consciousness and he did not respond to simple commands.

 

After the meeting I sat in the corridor outside the Cardiac-Thoracic ICU. I was feeling defeated and crushed by the doctors’ prognosis in the morning. Boon’s mother was sitting beside me and I did not know how to comfort her. I did not want to go home, but sitting in the corridor made me feel helpless. My thoughts and emotions were in a vortex.

 

 

"The only thing you can and should do is pray." Something whispered to me, and I listened to it. And then came another hint, as gentle and firm as the first.

"Wouldn’t it be comforting to have your bible close to you as you pray?" At this I took the bible out of my bag, placed it on my lap, and rested my clasped hands on it.

 

 

I prayed, my hands clasped on top of the Bible. When I opened the Bible, my eyes rested on Psalm 23. After the first two verses, I remember thinking, oh this one, yes, I have heard it before. But there was something else.

 

I don’t know how else to say it except that as the words of the Psalmist entered my mind and sounded in my ears, the scales fell off my eyes. I bowed my head and continued to pray, weaving the verses of the psalm into my prayer.

 

 

I will say now that it was the Holy Spirit that directed me to find consolation and peace by reading God’s word. And the other thing I will add is that when our prayer requests are precise and detailed, don’t be surprised if God’s answers are just as precise and detailed.

 

My prayer was about poor Boon’s lonely fight for his life, and how frightened and alone he must feel, not being able to open his eyes to see us, not being able to speak or to move. The answer that came swift and to the point via Psalm 23 was:

 

 

"Don’t worry, Boon is not alone, God is by his side; in the valley of the shadow of death, we need not be fearful for God is there with us."

 

In the remaining days at SGH, I read Psalm 23 to Boon many times and I prayed over it, doing it as much to draw comfort from it for myself as to encourage Boon, to remind him that the Lord our God is our shepherd.

 

 

Psalm 23

 

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies; you anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

When do we start to believe that God is directly and specifically present in our lives? For me, it was not that afternoon when I read and prayed through Psalm 23. The thought that something merciful and mysterious was happening did occur to me but I brushed it aside. Too many layers of self-love, self-will, self-conceit had accrued and calcified over the years. Other signs and wonders were to come and in such form and numbers that I could no longer dismiss them as coincidence.

(to be continued)